Working it out

November has started much like any month this year. I have been quite busy with school and with trying to keep up with running - the real key of which is motivation which I often lack and when I get motivated to run I have to battle the demons in my head. While running my demons will such supportive things as "stop, you can do this tomorrow" (this is when the demons are still being nice). When that fails to work the demons go deeper "you aren't doing yourself any good, you aren't even loosing weight, what is the point" (this starts to work on my psyche, but usually against the demons as I will push a bit harder). Now the demons are really pissed off but I try to run through it. Now they go into reverse psychology mode. "You're doing great...especially for someone like you" (they aren't specific about the "like you" part of this nag). I ignore this voice and push a bit longer. I have really ticked them off now. This is usually the point where the demons work with my nervous system and cause all cooling abilities in my body to completely shut down causing me to get hotter and hotter and turn interesting shades of red and eventually turning to purple. When this fails to stop me the demons conspire with the universe and send the very elderly past me in a whiz of perfect running form...this starts to work as my legs are throbbing and my head is starting to hurt from the impending heat stroke. I find the water fountain. I cool my head and legs and catch my breath - the demons believe they have gotten me to stop and I am thinking the same thing. I start to feel slightly human again and just begin to mentally award myself for pushing through the demons and getting in a work out. This is when the universe sends a series of runners by with 0% body fat and perfect hair and beautiful white toothed smiles. This is the one and only time in the process when my demons and I agree and in a unison chorus of anger and resentment we start the run again. Turning toward home for the remaining 1.8 miles of the run, the battle cry "skinny bitches" echos through my head and co-mingles with the music in my i-pod. I arrive home somewhat satisfied but know that the demons are lurking for the next day when I lace up my shoes again.